Of Love, Sacrifice & Responsibility

When i was younger I was a lot less wise, or a tenderfoot i would like to call it. Allow me to be easy on myself as this is quite a blow to my elephant size ego. I pictured life differently than where I am today and somehow or rather actually believed that the world gyrated around me. Yes, I was a puerile and I do admit it. I didn’t fathom exactly what sacrifice meant and expected people conforming to my ways and that was it. There was always a way to get what I wanted and sadly that was all I ever cared about. Then I got hitched and I was still that spoilt girl who thought about nothing else but herself. Every time I glance into the past I am constantly astounded at my other half’s patience and the degree of tolerance he had and has up till now.

After two years of marriage I was then gifted with the best thing I have ever had. One thing I was unaware of was that it came with great responsibility. I knew that motherhood wasn’t easy peasy lemon squeezy but I didn’t understand the gravity of it. First seven days passed then I knew the true rendition of sacrifice, responsibility and primarily what love really meant. All I saw before my eyes was this tiny helpless bundle that completely relied on me to survive. I never had any bigger responsibility to carry on my shoulder and I was high in an emotional stupor. Despite the raging hormones, sleepless nights and the contemptible body soreness I still managed to mother him to the best of my ability.

But of course what little knowledge I had about sacrifice and whatnots wasn’t truly sufficient. I had to learn more along the way. There was a tug of war between my personal dreams and my flagrant responsibility. I was very adamant to give only the best to him i.e. breastfeeding for two years at least and at the same time I was dying to continue my studies. It felt as though my brain was corroding and thinking was becoming quite a strenuous task. I became a simpleton and the only mind stimulating thought I had was how many diapers are left for the week. There was a disarray of emotions within myself although deep down I knew that I was incapable of putting anything else before him. He was simply my ultimate priority in life.

For three years I buried my desire and appeased myself that there will be time for absolutely everything and I will chance upon the opportunity once more. And lo be hold, here I am three years older and a little wiser (citation needs not confirmation) still passionate and more than eager to pick up what I had momentarily left. I received my university application a few days back and melancholy seems to wash over me every time I look at it. I haven’t had the courage to fill it up just yet and yes it is just me being nonsensical. A little peek will do for now and I intend to complete the application with my other half who has supported me in ways that even he is unaware of. It’s really a defining moment for myself and what better person to share it with than my one and only, mr munchie.

Till this day, there isn’t a trace of regret in my heart as to my decision to settle down and start a family at quite a young age. Despite the puerile being that I was, I am indeed glad that I went against the norm and dropped a few jaws. It was definitely the best decision I have ever made in my entire life. Life without these two imps would be nothingness, hollowed out and simply nugatory. I could not ask for more except for a few hobos and maybe a kajal eyeliner since mine has disappeared into the middle of nowhere. I truly thank god for this luxury. It might not be in a form of big bank balances or shiny cabriolets but I have attained happiness, something that is a rarity these days.

my little family ; diminutive in size but deafening in manner. :)))